Girls No Longer Allowed to Sing Missionary Song

BOUNTIFUL, UT—Several adjacent stakes in this heavily Mormon suburb have joined together to prohibit young females from singing the popular Primary song “I Hope They Call Me on a Mission.”

“Too many of our young women are still behaving as if the Lord expects them to serve missions,” said Bountiful East Bench stake president Curt Patterson. “The prophet has made it clear that girls don’t need to serve missions and shouldn’t feel any obligation. But this song is indoctrinating our young ladies otherwise.”

The song is still being sung in Primaries throughout the stakes, but only by the boys. “For now, we’re asking the girls to reverently bow their heads during this song and keep their mouths shut,” says stake Primary music director Linda Willis. “We’re thinking about writing alternative lyrics for them to sing. We’ve already got a first line: ‘I hope he asks me to get married, when I have grown a cup size or two.’”