Things That Seem Like They Would Be Funny, But Are Not

• Using grilled cheese sandwiches for the sacrament

• Slipping into Relief Society and loudly telling any random old lady that you found her diaphragm

• Solemnly appointing high priests to be captains of 50 for the march to Jackson County

• Sending a letter to all the Laurels saying they can wear whatever they want to girls’ camp

• Telling the priests they can serve as priesthood chaperones at girls’ camp

• Standing to bear your testimony, and then falling to the ground screaming and wrestling with an unseen demon

• Telling the nursery leader that, like an apostle, her calling is for life

• Tie-dying your temple garments

• When called upon to read a scripture in Gospel Doctrine, making up something like, “And the Lord sayeth unto the children of men, It is not meet in mine eyes that thou nor thy manservant nor thy maidservant shall witness the Super Bowl, nor the harlots therein, for the Sabbath is mine”

• Telling the choir director to include a drum solo in the next Easter program

• Whispering to that pimply-faced deacon that you know the real reason he had to get glasses

• Referring to the art displayed in the Church Office Building as “Corn in the COB”

• Dumping your fiancée because she’s not physically fit enough to make the walk to Missouri