Man’s Addiction to Wife Destroying Relationship with Porn

AUSTIN, TX—After years of commitment and fidelity, Austin resident Jesse Bingham is watching his relationship with porn being torn apart by his raging addiction to his wife.

“I never thought it would happen to me,” said Bingham, sitting in an apartment rife with the telltale signs of wife addiction: photographs, love letters, gifts. “My relationship with my porn was a deep one. I only had eyes for the girls in the magazines, the videos, or on the Internet, but then, one day. . .”

According to sources close to Bingham, his descent into wife addiction started innocently enough. “He just went to a dance,” said Torvald Hampton, a college buddy, “It wasn’t like he was pursuing an addiction to a real live woman. He was just curious. But once he had a taste, he just couldn’t keep away.”

Hampton went on to recount numerous nights spent watching porn videos alone in his apartment, his once faithful friend out feeding the bottomless pit of his new addiction. “Man, sometimes he just went too far, bringing Nancy right into the apartment here. I mean, what was I supposed to do? He’d sit there on the couch, the very couch where we first watched Bilious Lesbian Circus Vendors, and put his arm around her waist!”

Bingham’s psychologist, with permission from Bingham, says he shows all the signs of a deepening spouse addiction. “He spent all his money on her. He neglected his magazines, missed his weekly visits to the Hentai Hut of Hooters, and started getting up in the middle of the night to write e-mails to his beloved. I tell you, it’s a classic case.”

More disturbing still are accounts from Bingham’s family that he actually started showing signs of caring about the woman who would, one dark day, become his wife. “He took care of her for a whole week while she was sick,” said Sara Bingham, Jesse’s younger sister. “Took leave from work and everything. She threw up on him, which should have given him a clue. But no. Jesse was too far gone by then. What kind of expectation is he setting for me here?”

Bingham admits that he is completely enveloped by his addiction to his wife. “I think about her constantly. I go home to her every chance I get. I’ve barely seen my porn since my wife addiction started. And when I do . . . I don’t know, the trust just isn’t there anymore, you know? But the fact is, my wife has set the standard too high. I have unrealistic expectations for my porn now, and it just can’t live up to those.”

Bingham swears he has tried to go back to his porn, “but I just expect all these perverse things, like warmth, flirtation, care, and an actual female body, that my porn just cannot put out.”

Bingham and his porn are on a trial separation to see if they can work out their differences. His porn has gone to Hampton’s apartment for the duration of the separation.