Monday

High Councilman Calls 11th Article of Faith “No Longer Relevant”

PIMA, AZ—In a recent talk to the Pima Fourth Ward, high councilman Layton Bryce warned members not to be led astray by too much emphasis on the 11th Article of Faith, which states, “We claim the privilege of worshipping the Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship, how, where, or what they may.”

“Sometimes people use the 11th Article of Faith as an excuse to refrain from doing missionary work,” Bryce said from the pulpit. “They say, ‘I don’t want to force my beliefs and opinions on people I have to live and work with. My friends and neighbors know what I believe, and if they’re interested, they’ll come ask me.’”

“But that attitude doesn’t really fit in with our ideas about missionary work, brothers and sisters,” Bryce continued. “We know we need to convert the world to the true gospel. I’m not saying we should force people to be Mormon, but we need to do all we can to persuade and teach people the right way to believe.”

Bryce explained that the 11th Article of Faith was necessary in the early days, when the Church faced oppression and had not converted millions of people to the truth. “But now that the truthfulness of the gospel is accepted by so many people, that particular article of faith is no longer relevant in the ways it once was.”

Bryce went on to say that “the events of September 11th have underscored the danger of letting everyone worship God as they see fit. There could always be some extremist who believes worshipping God involves killing innocent people.”

Reaction to the talk was mixed. Local member Marge Pepper stated, “I definitely felt the Spirit as Brother Bryce was talking. I have always been bothered by the 11th Article of Faith. First of all, it doesn’t start with ‘We believe’ like all the others, and I never could see why we should just let everyone else believe whatever they want when we know the Church is true. It would be better if we just got rid of it—after all, 12 is a much nicer number than unlucky 13.”

Roger and Joan Cannon, on the other hand, both expressed concern over the message. “I thought free agency was central to the gospel,” Joan said. “It’s as if he’s forgotten the story of the War in Heaven, where it was decided we all needed to be able to choose what we accept.”

“What’s Brother Bryce going to do, anyway?” her husband Roger asked. “Write to the Brethren and ask them to delete that passage from the scriptures?”

Upon hearing of such objections, Bryce dismissed them. “My talk has nothing in common with Satan’s plan in the preexistence. Remember, Satan was evil and wanted to thwart God’s plan, while I am simply trying to help God accomplish his plan in the most straightforward way possible. After all, I did say that we shouldn’t force anyone to be Mormon.”

2 comments:

Ezra said...

This is hilarious. I love this blog.

Eric said...

Another spot on! It would be funnier if about 75% of all church leadership didn't actually think this way!!!