Thursday

NEW GYM HELPS PATRONS EXERCISE THEIR AGENCY

ALPINE, UTAH--Latter-day Saints are continually advised to keep their agency in tip-top shape by exercising it on a regular basis. However, there's no convenient, effective way to fit regular agency exercise into a busy schedule--until now.

Opening this week is the new Choose the Right Gym, where members can exercise their agency until they are spiritually buff and then maintain their fitness. Set up like an obstacle course, the gym features a progressively harder pathway of tempting choices. It starts out with chocolate, progresses through Coke, poker, and R-rated movies, and culminates with pornography, prescription pain killers, and Book of Mormon DNA evidence.

Patrons who make a wrong choice are given an electric shock through a wireless device. "Just a half-hour three times a week at our gym will keep your agency at peak performance," said proprietor Carl Johansen. "When you need the strength in real situations, you'll be ready."

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