Thursday

Priesthood Holder Asks, “Where’s The Sizzle?”

SANTAQUIN, UT—On a recent Sunday, area priesthood holder Dave Bons felt “a major disconnect” when his elders quorum president invited the brethren to attend a 7:00 a.m. stake priesthood meeting the following Sunday.

“All he did was stand up and state the time and place of the meeting,” said Bons. “His voice was monotone, and he said nothing about any features or benefits of the meeting. I couldn’t help asking myself, ‘Where’s the razzle-dazzle? Where’s the sizzle?’”

Bons said he might have considered attending if any tantalizing teasers had been provided. “Was there going to be a special guest speaker? A dynamic new gospel program? Some key piece of revelation for our particular place and time? A new look and feel for the stake newsletter? A new pill that cures pornography addiction?”

Bons says that he considers himself a gospel consumer. “I pay a lot of money into the Church, and I want a little romancing in return.”

In apparent response to his concerns, on Saturday afternoon, Bons found a postcard-sized piece of goldenrod paper taped to his front door that said, in 12-point Times New Roman italic font: Come to stake priesthood meeting tomorrow morning at 7:00. It will strengthen your family.

“I suppose that’s a start,” Bons said, “I dunno—I guess I just want to be targeted by a real Church marketing campaign for a change.”

1 comment:

Eric said...

Good stuff! I love this one...