Provo Temple Liftoff Successful

Provo, UT--Smoke billowed around the base of the Provo Temple Thursday morning as its thrusters fired, sending the structure rocketing into the sky. People watching from the surrounding area cheered, waved their neck ties and hugged one another as the structure sailed past the giant Y emblazoned on the mountain.

Lucky LDS missionaries had a prime view from the Missionary Training Center. "The Church is true, the Church is true," Elder Marshall Cleo repeated to himself, tears streaming down his face as he watched the liftoff from the complex's front lawn. Cleo had come to the MTC only one week before to prepare for a mission in Pennsylvania.

Local leaders and media personnel watched the launching from the fish bowl of Cougar Stadium. "This is indeed a great day for the Church," said L. Mack Quinn, elders quorum president of the Provo 1001st Ward. "Long will the members of this church remember this wonderful event. Parents will tell their children—and they’ll tell their children—of the first temple launching."

"This reminds me of that great prophesy in Jeremiah," said Sally Thompson, Spanish Fork Spring Heights Ward Primary song leader. "And behold, I looked up, and beheld a flying roll." Indeed, the Provo Temple, as it spun toward the ionosphere, resembled many things. Some described it as a ball of fire. Others said the temple looked like the Angel Moroni standing on the top of a huge steeple of smoke.

From the nosebleed section of the BYU stadium, Robbie Bennett, a freshman from BYU, commented, "Man, that is one crazy pre-game show."

The Provo Temple liftoff is the inaugural event in the Church's temple-launching program, which was funded by special donations from members. "It was quite a task getting the Provo Temple into the air," admitted Joe P. Costello, senior engineer of the launching team. "Things had to be checked over and over again to make sure nothing went wrong during the crucial moments."

The LDS Church has issued a statement that it will erect a monument to the successful launch on the site where the temple formerly stood. The possibilities of attempting a twin-booster launch of the Logan Temple, and even a six-booster launch of the Salt Lake Temple, were also announced.


Anonymous said...

This is absolute hogwash. Just another attempt to make fun of the Mormons. Sometimes people can be so silly. How can you think anyone will actually believe this garbage?

BigJason said...

How can Susan be such an idiot to miss satire?