• If your church starts at an early hour, like 9:00, you as a parent will need to help your children get to church on time without grumbling. Moving into a ward that starts at 1:00 should do the trick.
• Sunday is a good time to visit the sick and afflicted as a family. If you don’t know anyone who is sick or afflicted, bake some rat poison cookies and take them to your neighbors.
• Keep your children free of the evils of peer pressure by not letting them anywhere near their Primary, Young Men, Young Women, or Sunday school classes.
• It is entirely appropriate for you and your spouse to experience marital intimacy on the Sabbath, but only with each other.
• Don’t take advantage of any services that may require others to work on the Sabbath, like electricity or hospital emergency rooms.
• Cook your meals the day before, and don’t take more than thirteen steps at a time. It’s right there in the Old Testament, people!
• No needle drugs.
• It’s OK to shop, but only on the Internet, because that totally doesn’t count, because it’s all like machines or computers or something.
• Visiting the sick is encouraged on the Sabbath. Help your fellow ward members find opportunities to serve by feigning illness every week. Plus, you’ll get free meals.
• Go home teaching or, failing that, at least tell your elders quorum president that you went.
• Don’t worry. Jesus is a dude. He’s totally cool with football.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
0 comments:
Post a Comment