Tips for Keeping the Sabbath Day Holy

• If your church starts at an early hour, like 9:00, you as a parent will need to help your children get to church on time without grumbling. Moving into a ward that starts at 1:00 should do the trick.

• Sunday is a good time to visit the sick and afflicted as a family. If you don’t know anyone who is sick or afflicted, bake some rat poison cookies and take them to your neighbors.

• Keep your children free of the evils of peer pressure by not letting them anywhere near their Primary, Young Men, Young Women, or Sunday school classes.

• It is entirely appropriate for you and your spouse to experience marital intimacy on the Sabbath, but only with each other.

• Don’t take advantage of any services that may require others to work on the Sabbath, like electricity or hospital emergency rooms.

• Cook your meals the day before, and don’t take more than thirteen steps at a time. It’s right there in the Old Testament, people!

• No needle drugs.

• It’s OK to shop, but only on the Internet, because that totally doesn’t count, because it’s all like machines or computers or something.

• Visiting the sick is encouraged on the Sabbath. Help your fellow ward members find opportunities to serve by feigning illness every week. Plus, you’ll get free meals.

• Go home teaching or, failing that, at least tell your elders quorum president that you went.

• Don’t worry. Jesus is a dude. He’s totally cool with football.

1 comment: said...

These Tips for Keeping the Sabbath Day Holy are very much valuable. We can follow them to make our Sabbath day holy. People should follow the 6th tips which is most required one.