Draper Ordinance Eliminates the Appearance of Poverty

DRAPER, UT--Knowing that the poor will always be among us, the Draper City Council's recent ordinance banning second-hand stores in its retail district will at least eliminate the appearance of poverty. This zoning strategy will return to the Saints of that city the recently lost but foundational LDS belief that all is well in Zion.

The Draper City Manager indicated that research shows how squalor and poverty follow Deseret Industry stores wherever they appear. Of particular concern is the retarded people who often work the intake areas. "They are just creepy, and sometimes they smell like cigarettes."

A member of the Draper Chamber of Commerce, who requested that her name be withheld, said, "We're trying to make Draper the cultural center of the entire Point of the Mountain area, which is difficult with the prison and the ethnics out in West Valley squeezing in. Putting the kibosh on this DI will send a message to these lazy people who are always looking for a handout. Draper is saying they can just go back to Ogden or Tooele or wherever else tacky poor people go."